I was meditating in the bath the other night, with my favorite binaural beats pulsating through my water-resistant headphones the other night (Have you discovered binaural beats yet? Magical!).
I was a little bummed out because I hadn’t heard from our son Joey in a while, and I was very worried he was “off the rails” again.
In my meditation, I asked to connect with Joey somehow… And I did!
A profound little movie played in my head that I want to share with you, in case it helps another parent or caregiver out there who has a child struggling with addiction and/or mental health issues.
In my mind I saw the vastness of outer space. And then Joey’s body came hurtling past me, cartwheeling chaotically out of control. Have you ever seen the movie Gravity? Kind of like that. Instinctively, I reached out and grabbed his hand, and then guess what? Both of us were cartwheeling chaotically through the depths of space. It was pretty terrifying and very ineffective, I must say. Instead of one struggling person, now there were two.
Then my mind cleared the scene and started over. This time, when Joey came careening by my field of view, I grabbed onto the railing of the spaceship that was conveniently placed there by my imagination. I held on to the railing with one hand, but I realized quickly that my movement was restricted. I had to wait until Joey flew by me again before I could reach out to grab him. This time around, I kept that one hand on the railing and caught him with the other hand. He kinda yanked my shoulder, but we were both able to stay connected to the mothership because I was tethered to it.
This image is such a great summation of our lives the last few years. For the first year when Joey was in crisis, I totally flung myself into the void with him, thinking I, Supermom, could help him, fix him, find him the help he needed. But then we were both spinning uncontrollably and I very nearly lost myself in the process, too.
My life coach Heather Ross helped me realize that I was absolutely no help to Joey if I was sucked into the vortex with him. I needed to hang on to the railing with one hand while reaching for him with the other.
What has been my mothership? What is the railing I’m hanging onto?
Meditation and mindfulness, life coaching, several types of therapy including EMDR, taiko drumming, my wife Jan, friends and family who are always there for me, reading books like Beyond Addiction and The Body Keeps the Score, my daily dose of exercise and comedy, and connecting with others who are in a similar situation.
This is a difficult time of year for everyone, but particularly if you have a struggling loved one. Lots of grace to you all! Hang on!
About Beth Syverson
A peer parent for Other Parents Like Me, host of Safe Home Podcast, and leader of APtitude, a Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoption’s Challenges